Namaste…

Please bear with me… I am a new blogger and hope to entertain or inform or other cool things… I certainly don’t want to bore anyone, but if I do… oh well, boredom happens…

Ok, so let’s say we start with “A”… angst, good a place as any… we all know angst… it’s like the literary or adult version of anxiety…

lots of things cause me angst, eg I’m currently reading (on my newish Kindle) a Dean Koontz book,  which I knew would be angst riddled, in fact, it’s is an angst sandwich – before I reopen it, I’m in angst because I know something really terrible is going to happen (because he keeps saying it is)… then while  reading, I don’t want to put it down, cause I’d like to get the really scary part soon and get it over with…. Then after putting it away, unfinished, of course, I’m in angst knowing I’ll be worrying about whether I’ll have bad dreams and what if what he’s alludes to as bad is really going to happen and is so much worse than I imagine… that isn’t exactly what I meant by literary reference, but it is still a current angst for me…

There are lots of other things that cause me angst… like how I’m going to survive on $400 less/month fixed income when I’m barely making it now on $2200/month…  and that’s still nowhere near the “poverty level” – I’m on SS Disability, so even if there were any to be had, getting a job is not really an option… except maybe a work from home option offered by an authorized Employment Network (EN), which look promising (don’t all work from home schemes?!?!?)… problem is the EN wants me to be in the hands of an authorized Vocational Rehab (VR) Counselor (state) program, so the (federal) EN gets paid… their instructions say to contact SS dept to get a “Ticket to Work” mailed to me, but SS Dept says they don’t mail them out anymore, so I don’t need one…  I’m still in the pre-pre-preparing stage of this process, as I still need to purchase some hardware (phones that work, headsets w/mics attached), which I can’t afford until next payday, which is my second to last one before the big income reduction… lots of angst over that… feels like I may have to choose between eating or getting my Rx’s… what a choice…

Then there was the really emotional angst I had to get through when I went on Medicare (my retirement insurance no longer would cover me because after a certain amount of time, being on disability)… I became eligible for Medicare… when I was young, I used to think Medicare was cool… boy oh boy, was I wrong… I did my due diligence, found out I pay a monthly premium for Medicare, then realized I needed supplemental insurance (NOT cheap) as well as something to cover prescriptions, which at the time counted about 20 per month… then, like a punch to the gut, I find about about the doughnut hole, which it feels like they really try to keep you from finding out about until you’re in the middle of it… not there’s anything I can do to avoid it… everyone should know about the Doughnut hole… it works like this… you pay for full Rx prices until deductible has been paid, then Part D (Rx plan) kicks in and if you can get the generic of everything you need, it’s not that bad, but there are some things not covered, like Proventil, asthma  inhaler, and Advair maintenance asthma product that has no generic, so copay is kinda high… anyway… this keeps up until approx. $2900 has been paid (by both the plan and me) toward my Rx’s… then doooooowwwwnnnnn I go into the Doughnut hole, which really sucks… in the Doughnut Hole until  total of about $4900  has been paid (by me and plan) I pay for most everything, with little if any copays…. Slam… what I paid $40 for last month, now costs me $200 and that’s just one of my Rx’s… so in all the angst of it I had to reassess all my Rx’s, decided what was more important, breathing (asthma) or cholesterol, depression or tremors, etc… somehow I managed to reduce my Rx list to about ½ of what it started out as, but I know that I should be taking lots of other things, and more of some that I’ve cut back for the long term, but I have to make decisions in the short term like reducing and repairing the inflammation from RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) or barely keeping it at bay as well as the pain of it, because I can’t afford the $90 copay of the repairing drug (that’s before the doughnut hole) or barely afford the drug that manages to keep it somewhat at bay, but that  also causes cysts and nodules to grow, like on my fingers… and of course, once in the doughnut hole (happened in July this year) through the rest of the year I’ll never get out of it, because I have to pay until something like the next  $4900 has been paid (all by myself)… so there you have it… LOTS of angst… and then, on their commercials, all these drugs tell you “if you can’t afford to pay, call…” which means they MIGHT pay the cost of your FIRST copay (up to a specific limit), but after that you’re on your own…

My angst is not always about me… I have a friend who has Parkinsons and since he’s been healthy all his life, this has thrown him way off balance… I worry that he’s becoming really depressed and doesn’t even realize it… this really affects his judgment and decision making abilities… and he was always the one who enlightened others… he has a pretty good caregiver for the time being, but as his symptoms increase, so does his fear of an unknown future…

So I try not to let angst be my main focus, because I certainly can’t afford more anti-depressants to deal with that negativity, and I don’t want my life to descend into low to no quality for those kinds of reasons… besides, I’m usually an optimist, sometimes to the point that it pisses me off…

And now, I must admit, since I know someone might be reading this, I wanted to start talking about real stuff, not just rambling… not too successful, I’d say, at least on the rambling part… but I’ll be working on that… so that’s it for today… I believe my next planned posting will be titled  “Bobo” – bet you can’t wait…

Have a great day… and now I’m off to read the very interesting posts of everybody else…

PS in the interest of full disclosure, my icon is really me, but many decades ago…  just so you know…

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